Who I am like…

November 11, 2013

Sometimes I look back at all the times I felt myself struggle with God. I put myself through a lot because I refused to give stuff away for Him to take care of. I was one of those who kept saying, “I’m trying, I’M TYING!” But still the next day I’d be anxious or worried, stressed and afraid, and I felt like this must be a part of walking with God, that this is just how it is. I kept praying to God saying, “Take this from me; do something with it!” Only to still feel the war going on inside of me. My friends, if you were or are in a place like this now… it is because you are refusing to give your circumstance over to God. For if you truly have let go and are trusting God, you would not feel anxious or stressed; tired and afraid. For these things were never God’s. Don’t keep saying, “But I’ve prayed and prayed and it still won’t go away.” You can pray all you want but if you never do the do God cannot do one thing.

God just revealed this to me tonight: struggling is a part of life because we are imperfect people. However, while we are allowed to be human, we must also choose to be holy through what Jesus did for us on the Cross. I am like Peter who challenged Jesus to allow him to walk out on the water. I say to God, ” I am ready to do anything for you.” And so He calls me to come out to Him. But then the waves of life come to distract me. I am the one who chooses to look away from God and see those waves and allow them to have their affect on me leading to fear, doubt, discontent, stress, anxiety… all these things I have experienced too many times to count. This is when I struggle to allow God to have all of me and to keep my eyes on His truth. And often, I would look at those waves for months, sometimes years, preventing God from working in my life in a positive way. I was being selfish.

But still, though I was for a long time sinking, somehow, God always found a way to reach out to me, to refocus my attention on Him instead of what is going on around me. Like right now, things are not going too well at work. There is some tension going on that I am very uncomfortable with, and I am praying for God to move in this someway. But He has yet to show. Like Peter, I have been tempted to look at the wrong happening before me and have given into that temptation to later feel the struggles impact. But God, as always, reaches out, and reminds me, “Look at Me! Not that them!”

“But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, ‘Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.’ Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?'” Matthew 14:27, 31